This site devoted to the influence of character, kindness, and peaceful relationships. Mindful people are making a difference in the lives of others everyday.
This site devoted to the influence of character, kindness, and peaceful relationships. Mindful people are making a difference in the lives of others everyday. |
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Does Humiliation Work? Dear Dr. Bird, I recently heard you speak at our school in Queens. I have to be honest- I was a little frustrated. You addressed our faculty and mentioned that we should not put children’s names on the board as a way of dealing with disciplinary problems. When I spoke to you after your presentation, you talked about replacing it with a system of rewards. I’m not convinced this is the best thing to do! When a child acts out, I write their name on the board in front of the rest of the class to remind them to behave better next time! I see nothing wrong with it, and a lot of teachers do it. It’s quick, easy, and it gets right to the point- if you don’t want your name on the board, don’t misbehave! Until you can show me how something else works, I will always believe a little punishment goes a long way! Sincerely, Firm Teacher
Dear Firm, You’re right about one thing, a lot of teachers do it. This fact doesn’t make it a good practice. A lot of people smoke too, that doesn’t make it healthy. We have evidence that nicotine is harmful. We also have evidence that punishment can be harmful too. This repeated practice of humiliating children simply illustrates that a lot of people working with children lack three things; first, they are stuck and frustrated. Second, they are unwilling to examine their own life and have empathy. And third (tragically) they lack patience. In regard to being stuck- it’s important that you step outside yourself and take some risks. When we work to shape any set of behaviors (especially in the classroom), punishment teaches us very little (and in some cases punishment doesn’t teach us anything at all). It may stop the behavior but it doesn’t teach us a new one. In a recent study of school discipline, most teachers said they don’t have the time to talk about social skills because of their rigorous curriculum. The irony is that they end up spending twice as much in the end. The second major reason we need to let go of punishment is because it lacks empathy (in fact, as a philosophy of life- it’s pathological behavior). If one develops empathy, it’s impossible to use humiliation in working with others. Ask yourself, what’s the most powerful motivator in my life? Do I love a boss who puts my name in the entrance of the workplace to parade me around as a low performing employee? If we treat adults this way, they do one of two things- they rebel against the system or quit. If a child does either one, they become unproductive in accomplishing their educational goals and we label them as defiant and oppositional. We can’t complain however, we, the adults in charge, are the ones creating this mess. Third, if we use a lot of punishment we are lazy and irresponsible. We are more interested in making sure that the child feels our pain than we are in shaping a new behavior and creating a connection with them. I think it’s more important to consider consequences and privileges when trying to shape behavior (not humiliation). For instance, bad drivers need to be removed from the road. Murderers need to be removed from society. Sometimes people need to do community service to remind them to build society, not tear it down. We don’t however, have public caning, we don’t torture people with painful beatings, and we should not torture children with humiliation. Re-think your position. If you still believe in humiliation and punishment, at least walk the talk. The next time you get a parking ticket, or an overdraft on your banking account, be sure to insist you deserve 40 lashes in the town square. There's no quick fix. Be patient and be kind. It's slower, but the most effective in the long run. Besides, it also helps us to live longer. |
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