No Justice in the Chat Rooms

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

CYBER-BULLYING

Dear Dr.Bird,

      I have a crisis with my daughter and I don’t know what to do.  She is in the seventh grade and has told me that she hates her life.  Lately, she’s been depressed, doesn’t want to go to school, and seems to be losing many of he friends she had only a few years ago.  She told me that some girls at school had started rumors about her in the online “chat rooms.”   The rumors are that she takes drugs, has sex with other boys, and gets drunk.  How can I stop these atrocities?  How can I help her?  I’ve complained but I get no response.

 Sincerely, Tears for my daughter

Dear Tears,

            The situation you describe has become widespread in our culture.  It is problematic for two reasons; first it is clearly destructive, and second, children are learning that they don’t have to be held accountable for their behaviors.  What you are describing has been called cyber-bullying.  You need to take action and you need to be firm.  I would suggest that you work on it from a couple of angles.  Do your homework (a lot of what you need can be found on my non violent links page) and see what your state laws say about violence prevention in your schools.  In New York, Project SAVE (Schools Against Violence in Education) clearly states that we need to have Building Level Plans, and District Wide Plans.  In that document it mentions that we need to have Peer Mediation, and other assorted programs to help children with conflict resolution. 

            Peer Courts and Peer Mediation are effective because they accomplish what a proper society should do for its citizens.  Our schools should look like a microcosm of a just society.  Think of your own life- if someone is guilty of the defamation of your character, you can use a legal system to address the problem.  Our children need to have the same protection in their lives.  If we are not dealing with it, and if children have no protection, we are failing them.  Your child has rights and you have a responsibility to help them.  Rally your PTA, ask your school district about their plans for violence prevention.  Is the school talking about these issues?  Is the school educating the parents of the violators?  (Unchecked and unsupervised use of the internet can be dangerous) Is there a Peer Court?  Is there a character education program?  Do children have someone to go to in their school?  (Without fear of retribution?) Has the school established a Campus Climate Council  (with a mixture of popular students, and not-so-popular students working together?), to break down destructive cliques?

            Last, don’t simply complain or demand that the schools change for you.  You need to immerse yourself in the issue – it is worth your energy.  Find facts, programs, and people who can volunteer.  It’s the investment of moral adults that make the difference in the end, not just speaking up or complaining.