Traffic King Escalates Violence

 Dear Dr. Bird,

             I know that you have a special interest in reducing violence and aggression in our society.  I also share this view but my wife and I disagree on how I drive (she thinks I’m aggressive).  One of my pet peeves is people who swerve in and out of traffic, pass on both sides, and aggressively cut into lanes just to jump ahead to gain a fraction of a second.  Sometimes, I create a block by staying even with some cars just so they can’t pass.  It really makes them angry but I do it for a reason- these people need to be slowed down, and if they are not getting tickets for speeding then I don’t mind slowing them down myself.  My wife says I am just as aggressive as they are.  I am not an aggressive person, but someone needs to stop these people.  Dr. Bird, please tell her that I am right, and all I am doing is shutting down some of the aggression in this world and teaching these people a lesson.  It's time they were put in their place!

 Sincerely, F

Dear Fed,

             What you are doing is called “Passive Aggressive” behavior.  In fact, it is a form of aggression.  We all have our pet peeves, but when we answer that pet peeve with the purposeful irritation of others, we are escalating aggression and violence.  For instance, if someone throws out a sarcastic remark such as, “Nice tie, Bob…” and we answer it with another sarcastic remark, “At least some of us wear ties…,” we are doing nothing more than returning our anger to them.

            When you play “Traffic King” and believe- “I am the ruler of the highway and I shall keep people in their place,” you are simply adding another jerk to the highway.  It sounds to me like you are doing these things as you convince yourself of your righteousness and you believe your behavior is warranted in the name of justice. 

At the core of your behavior, you must certainly know that the person you  “put in their place” is not going to come away from the exchange and start thinking – "By golly I sure am happy that guy kept me in my lane for the last 10 miles, I feel so much more peaceful now, I feel enlightened, this wisdom will cause me to never road-rage again, God bless you and thank you Traffic King!"

            If you are expecting to change the world through passive-aggressive behavior, all you have to do is look and listen when the guy finally passes you.  You will see a middle finger, and you will hear a horn and a few profanities.  I’m afraid your wife is right.  You are aggressive, and you are not teaching anyone a lesson that will result in peaceful behavior.  Peaceful people figure out how fast the river is flowing today, and they go with the flow.  Aggressive people believe that it is their job to wrestle the river until it goes at their speed.  You are no match for the river.  Believe me- the river will always win.