This site devoted to the influence of character, kindness, and peaceful relationships. Mindful people are making a difference in the lives of others everyday.
This site devoted to the influence of character, kindness, and peaceful relationships. Mindful people are making a difference in the lives of others everyday. |
|
|
QUESTION OF THE WEEK Rat Race of Kid's Activities Builds Parent's Stress - Dear Dr. Bird, Lately I feel like I need a day timer just to keep up with my children. We chauffeur them to sports, school events, music lessons, and clubs. We have a huge desk calendar in our kitchen and it seems like every night of the month is filled. My problem is that the more we do, the more stressful our house becomes. I’ve been told that I need to give up some of the things we do. I just want the best for my kids. I want them to have more in life than I had. Dr. Bird, please tell me how can I cut down on the stress and still keep up with my kids? Help! Rat Race Marathoner
Dear Marathoner, It’s important that you examine what you just said, “I just want the best for my kids.” The question is – what’s the best? Little league All-Star or a happy family? The truth is this- you may be able to have both, but if the busy life interferes with the home life you may have to re-think your priorities. Ask yourself two questions: What do I want? And, what am I doing? What you want is to be connected to your children. What you are doing is leading to a lifestyle of disconnection. Is it best to have a million activities during the week that produce nothing more than athletic trophies and excess stress? Or, is it best to have a night of board games, a meal together, the sharing of funny stories about how your day went? You have to be careful with the “best for my kids” saying, especially if it represents a set of activities that may deteriorate relationships. Does your heart tell you that your drive for their success is outweighing your drive toward a peaceful home? If so, it’s time to let go of something and replace it with relational time By planning family time you won’t jeopardize success. A lot of successful parents (with successful children) have learned to arrange their days so that each day has quality time built in. Research has shown us that the average child in America spends five minutes of quality time with their parents each day. This means that the lucky ones are getting ten or fifteen (I believe they need much more). If you want quality- plan it. If you want to stay connected- plan it. Don’t wait for it to happen or hope that things will magically get better. If you do, it will never happen. Keep up with the fun activities but also keep in mind that if the family members are all facing in one direction (perhaps staring at the TV, or in the car in the drive-through line), the truth is simple- you are not facing each other. The stress you mentioned is a relational problem, not a time problem. By putting more energy into nurturing your relationship, you will automatically reduce the tension.
|
|
Send mail to with
questions or comments about this web site.
|